#9. Hockey

A recent (unofficial, unpublished) survey of Nipissing Students, conducted by the Students Coalition for Incredibly Biased Information (SCIBI), found that 9.82 out of 10 students ranked hockey as the number one priority in their lives, above all other choices including personal hygiene, food, significant others, family, friends, and global warming.

It is a well known fact that the way to a Nipissing Student's heart is through their NHL team allegiance. I have seen many "mixed" relationships attempt to work ... but sadly, most flounder after the first period. When it all boils down, "he" will always be a Leafs fan, and "she" will always be a Sens fan, and we all known that this makes the difference in ALL fundamental arguments.

But if you do not know somone's allegiance, you can instantly make friends with a Nipissing Student by simply bringing up "hockey" in everyday conversation. You can easily make a person feel interesting and important by asking a simple question like, "So who do you think will win the Stanley Cup this year?" or "Where were you when the Canada won gold?" Provided that you do not ask these questions out of season (eg. one week after the Stanley Cup finals), you will make a new friend in under two minutes, simply by forming that "deeper connection" that is universally ackowledged by all Canadian hockey lovers.

On another note however, it should be noted that Nipissing Students are violently defensive about their team allegiances, and unless it is the Olympics (in which case, all allegiances are abandoned for the sake of Team Canada), bringing up deep-rooted rivalries at the wrong time could result in a loss of friends, a loss of teeth, or a loss of 30 minutes of valuable time spent listening to you comrade proclaim the merits of their beloved team.

Additional note: Nipissing Students have the mindset that because we attend school in northern Ontario and do not have big shopping malls like southern Ontario, we are instantly the BIGGEST hockey fans in Canada, and no one can take this title away from us.

Additional Additional note: A sure-fire "correct" response to the question, "Where were you when Canada won gold?" includes stories about screaming until you lost your voice, hugging strangers, getting soaked in champagne, painting Go Canada Go! on your chest, driving around town with your Canadian flag, and yelling at pedestrians.