#13. When North Bay gets WARM!

It may come as a shock, but North Bay does in fact get warm SOMETIMES! If you are reading this, and you don't live in North Bay, no doubt you struggle to grasp this concept. To people from "southern Ontario", it is believed that North Bay's climate is equivalent to that of Churchill, Thunder Bay, or Moosonee. But the truth is--North Bay is not north of the Arctic circle, nor does it have permafrost, nor is it only accessible by plane or ice roads. North Bay is only 3.5 hours from Toronto, and yes, sometimes it is hotter here than in Toronto!

Of course, you already know that if you're a Nip student. And when the first signs of spring come out ... it is your natural inclination to wear shorts and flip flops--because we all know that wearing shorts and flip flops will MOST DEFINITELY sway the weatherman to predict 30 degree weather for the rest of the year. Fact: Wearing shorts will not change the weather ... but nice try.

When North Bay gets warm, it's like 4000 students emerge from hibernation like happy black bears--or white bears really. I know for a fact that right now, my legs could blind a small child, but that's the nice thing about North Bay. Almost everyone is pretty white. And there is always someone whiter than you! So flaunt your whiteness, because it proves that you survived a long North Bay winter and didn't cop out by vacationing somewhere warm during reading week! But if you are brown (because your parents love you and sent you to Cuba) then be kind to us "whities". Because we're feeling a little self-conscious, and need to get used to our skin.

The other thing about spring? Nip students become noticeably happier. Like 200% happier. Like everything is right in the world , until it randomly snows again in the middle of May (yes, you can blame me for jinxing the weather if this happens. I will wear shorts every day now so that it doesn't).

The only problem with the weather getting warm in North Bay? Exams. Exams=stuff Nip students don't like. Exam care packages, half-price Easter Candy, and studying from your back porch while barbecuing for the first time since September? Stuff Nip students DO like.

#12. Plaid

Once only reserved for grandfathers, Scots, and lumberjacks, plaid is back in style, and not surprisingly, all the rage at Nipissing. Perhaps as a tribute to our "northern status", or maybe just because of a general lack of other wardrobe options, plaid has become the new pink at Nipissing.

Important to note however, is that there is an inherent hierarchy in plaid wearers. All plaid wearers at the university fall into one of three categories:

• At the top of the list are the "genuine" plaid wearers. These people typically spend their summers camping or tree planting, and their families have a winter hunt camp over 10 hours north of civilization. Genuine plaid wearers have been wearing plaid for years, and may consider all other plaid wearers as "fake". All farmers are also considered in this category, and all farmer's children, but just living in the country or next to a farm doesn't immediately qualify you as a "genuine" plaid wearer. Also, those of Scottish background can be counted in this category, especially if they still have a Scottish accent.
• After genuine plaid wearers are wearers of genuine plaid. Although this may sound similar to genuine plaid wearers, wearers of genuine plaid aren't necessarily outdoors people or hunters, but have somehow come to inherit a "real" plaid shirt--most likely from a father or agricultural fair. Wearers of genuine plaid typically have an interesting story behind their shirt, so ask them about it to make conversation.
• Next on the hierarchical scale are all other plaid wearers. In general, these people have no legit excuse for wearing plaid except that it is in style (or they are in a band/love indie music). You will notice that when plaid fades in popularity, these people will fade too, and move on to the next big fashion trend (unless they are in a band/love indie music). People in the "all other plaid wearers" category generally purchase their plaid at American Eagle or Old Navy, and although there is nothing wrong with this, may be weirded out if you ask them about the International Plowing Match.

The important thing to know about this hierarchy is that identifying plaid wearers is easy, but identifying their category may be difficult. Typically, any plaid with neons, purples, or pinks immediately places the wearer in the "all other plaid wearers". However, identifying genuine plaid is made more difficult by the abundance of plaid available on the market. Just know that if you spark a conversation with someone about their plaid shirt, you may not always get a crazy story about getting chased by a bear in the wild or driving tractors when they were only 2 years old. You may just get a lengthy story about finding a plaid sale at Campus Crew after hours and hours of looking for the perfect shirt.

#11. Claiming to "live" in the library

If the librarians started charging rent, they could make a fortune.

It's that time of year again where most of us can confess to forgetting what our own roommates look like, since we have "adopted" new ones--namely that guy who also never leaves the "quiet room" overlooking the pond, and that girl from your English class who always provides you with distracting YouTube videos, like "60 black ghetto names" or "Throw it on the ground".

It's that time of year where our backpacks not only contains books and lunch, but also breakfast, dinner, almost-midnight snack, slippers, "evening wear", an extra toothbrush, deodorant, pillow, sleeping bag, and $50 dollars "caffeine" fund.

But as much as I hate spending all day in the library, there is a certain "coolness" that seems to come from being part of the "library crowd". For example, when someone claims to "live" in the library, one immediately conjures up images of them studying for hours surrounding by all their best friends ... the university equivalent to a slumber party. I mean, library study sessions and slumber parties both involve snacks, exhaustion, and many, many stupid inside jokes and ab-working giggle fits that only make sense when you are completely stressed and exhausted.

Claiming to "live" in the library seems to be "THE THING" to do nowadays. This must be a Nip thing, because in highschool, living in the library was the opposite of cool. It was in a different universe than cool. But word on the street nowadays is the library is the place to be.

But if you're looking for me, I won't be there. In the geography department, the GIS lab is the cool place. But don't get me started on that ...

#10. Open Mic Nights

Here's a little secret about Nipissing Students: we think we are very talented. Above average talented. So talented in fact, that we are ABOVE simply playing in our rooms and recording awkward webcam videos for all our friends to see. SO TALENTED that we are even above making our own MySpace page and recording our music there and then hoping we will randomly be found by a music agent and propelled into stardom overnight.

No, Nipissing Students are so good that we can only show our talents in one way: the open mic night. And we are so talented that one open mic night isn't enough ... we have to have at least 10. Per semester.

It is a well-cited statistic that 1 in every 5 people you meet at the school owns a guitar, and 1 out of 3 are self-proclaimed musicians. In fact, so long as you can play a Gmaj, Dmaj, Cmaj, and Em chord progression, and can creatively find ways to mix these chords up with lyrics about that one time your ex-girlfriend cheated on you for your ex-best friend and then you couldn't eat for days, but you got by with a little help from your friends ... then you are a legitimate, qualified musician and should BY ALL MEANS give yourself a creative name and sign up for every and all open mic nights!

But I warn you! All legitimate acoustic guitar open mic night musicians must be prepared to account for and explain their musical influences, as listed on their Facebook Music preferences, or MySpace page. For example, acceptable influences might include the names of indie and underground artists no one has ever heard of, as well as such slightly more popular names like Sufjan Stevens or Dave Matthews Band or Tegan and Sara. Unacceptable influences include: Kanye, Britney Spears, and anything heard in Top 40 radio.

And be careful! If you perform at one open mic night, and you perform well, prepare to be enlisted into performing at all open mic nights. Because although Nipissing is just bursting at the seams with talented musicians, we like to hear the same 10-15 people perform at every open mic night. (And I might add, they are great. Because as long as they perform, I will never have to.)

#9. Hockey

A recent (unofficial, unpublished) survey of Nipissing Students, conducted by the Students Coalition for Incredibly Biased Information (SCIBI), found that 9.82 out of 10 students ranked hockey as the number one priority in their lives, above all other choices including personal hygiene, food, significant others, family, friends, and global warming.

It is a well known fact that the way to a Nipissing Student's heart is through their NHL team allegiance. I have seen many "mixed" relationships attempt to work ... but sadly, most flounder after the first period. When it all boils down, "he" will always be a Leafs fan, and "she" will always be a Sens fan, and we all known that this makes the difference in ALL fundamental arguments.

But if you do not know somone's allegiance, you can instantly make friends with a Nipissing Student by simply bringing up "hockey" in everyday conversation. You can easily make a person feel interesting and important by asking a simple question like, "So who do you think will win the Stanley Cup this year?" or "Where were you when the Canada won gold?" Provided that you do not ask these questions out of season (eg. one week after the Stanley Cup finals), you will make a new friend in under two minutes, simply by forming that "deeper connection" that is universally ackowledged by all Canadian hockey lovers.

On another note however, it should be noted that Nipissing Students are violently defensive about their team allegiances, and unless it is the Olympics (in which case, all allegiances are abandoned for the sake of Team Canada), bringing up deep-rooted rivalries at the wrong time could result in a loss of friends, a loss of teeth, or a loss of 30 minutes of valuable time spent listening to you comrade proclaim the merits of their beloved team.

Additional note: Nipissing Students have the mindset that because we attend school in northern Ontario and do not have big shopping malls like southern Ontario, we are instantly the BIGGEST hockey fans in Canada, and no one can take this title away from us.

Additional Additional note: A sure-fire "correct" response to the question, "Where were you when Canada won gold?" includes stories about screaming until you lost your voice, hugging strangers, getting soaked in champagne, painting Go Canada Go! on your chest, driving around town with your Canadian flag, and yelling at pedestrians.

#8. No Frills Dollar Days

After Christmas, New Years, and reading week, and before St. Patty's, there is a huge open gap in the calenders of all Nipissing students. It is these weeks of tormentuous midterms, essays, cold weather, and general lack of anything to get excited for that two of the most important holidays in the school year occur: No Frills Dollar Days and Tim Horton's Roll Up the Rim.

And that is why, today, when I walked into No Frills, my heart started beating faster and my hands got sweaty and I got a nervous giggle like I was about to open a great big present. I saw, on the flyer one great big DOLLAR SIGN ... followed by a ONE ... it's No Frills Dollar Days!

When you are in a town as small as North Bay, word spreads fast. And it spreads especially fast when it involves food for one dollar (see blog "Free Food"). Apparently I was the only one of my roommates that didn't know it was Dollar Days.

So now, Nip Students, I am passing on the holiday cheer to you ... go! Scoop up your $1 Fruitopia and Sidekicks and Bagels and French Fries (ooh! and I especially loved the $1 Smarties Ice Cream)! Because you're gonna make it through the next few weeks, all thanks to No Frills!

Happy Dollar Days!

#7. Two Reading Weeks

Once upon a time, some brilliant scholar (we'll call him Planto for the sake of this story) was sitting at his desk, pondering how to stimulate his pupils to become more active during class, when he stumbled upon the brilliant idea for a "reading week". Well, he didn't really stumble upon it, per se, but likely, after hours of pondering the biggest philosophical questions in life, he looked up to the stars and saw an "r" and a "w" carved into the constellations ... and well, from there he "stumbled" upon the idea for a "reading week".

"Aha!" he likely proclaimed, with an epic arm wave and a look of self-contentment. "It's genius! I shall give my students a week to study with no distractions, and when they return, they will be eager to engage in debates, discuss their studies, and stop falling asleep during lectures!"

... Once upon a time, I too thought reading week was for studying. Biggest lie ever.

As great as Planto's idea was (and trust me, if anyone deserves to be enshrined in university history, it's Planto), reading week is everything that it isn't supposed to be. My reading week usually turns into "no way am I picking up a book, I'm on vacation" week after the first 24 hours. I usually return from reading week less excited to be in school than I was before. And no ... reading week does nothing to help keep me awake in lectures. Caffeine is still the only thing that works.

BUT--reading week still rocks. And nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is more fun to brag about than having TWO reading weeks. Nipissing students ... for all the times your friends might poke fun at you for "going up north" to school, or laugh because your school is too small to have a football team or an awesome swimming pool or a humongous library, get ready ... because they're about to be blown away when you tell them you have--that's right--TWO reading weeks!

Nothing makes friends more jealous than when you "casually" mention to them they you won't be heading back to school after Thanksgiving ... you've decided to take a week off. Nothing makes friends more jealous than "casually" reminding them, during February reading week, that this is your SECOND reading week ... and that you're likely to do something even more fun this reading week, simply because you've been planning since last autumn's reading week.

If there is one thing that should stir pride in every Nipissing student's heart, it would be this: that we are so intelligent, so studious, that our professors allow us to have two weeks of vacation every academic year.

Never mind that most of us use one week for a teaching placement, or that there is likely to be a very boring and unremarkable ACTUAL reason that we have two reading weeks. None of that is quite as important as bragging about having those two weeks.

So as you depart for your SECOND reading week of the school year, fellow erudites, try to remember those other students out there who many not have quite as much as we have. Share the love ... treat everyone around you with kindness ... and if a really good opportunity comes up, "casually" mention how great it is to be a Nipissing student and have TWO reading weeks!

#6. Burger World

Burger World is proof that God has mercy on struggling students ... He gave us breakfast, He gave us burgers, and He gave them both at affordable prices!

I confess that it took me three years to discover the delight known as "Burger World" ... it wasn't until I moved off campus and only a 5 minute walk from the restaurant that I finally ventured into it. That was the day that my life changed.

Crowded with hungover students, inconspicuously wearing sunglasses and pyjama pants, you feel as though you are taking part in a weekly pilgrimage that has been going on forever ... a journey to Nipissing University nirvana.

First, you must conquer the line to be seated: a line that seems to strech on forever, and breakfast seems to be mile after gruelling mile away. But really, in just a few short minutes you are making your way to your booth. To get there, you must bob and weave through a maze of tables and chairs with just enough room in between them for one person at a time (and between you and the waitress carrying five people's meals, you WILL lose). IF you reach your table unscathed, you have almost reached your destination. All that's really left is to order (relatively easy) and wait (perhaps the most difficult part). But take heart ... absence makes the stomach grow fonder.

Of course, it's not just about the breakfast, it's also about the fellowship. Conversation at Burger World tends to be focussed around the following topics:

1. What the Flamingo happened last night?

OR, if you happen to be one of the admirable few who are completely sober:
2. So ... isn't it great to be alive today? (If you say this loud enough, you are likely to invoke several loud groans from nearby booths, which in itself is one of the little joys of being alive!)

And if any of you are frequent visitors to the 'World, you also know of this little Burger World secret: try dropping a tip in the "Beer fund" jar at the cash. See what happens. It's just another reason to love Burgerworld!

See ya there in your Sunday casual!

#5. Kevin Salzman

<--- This guy is great. 'Nough said. And unless you've been living under a rock your whole university career, you've probably seen, heard, or personally know Kevin. In fact, you could say Kevin is like the Chuck Norris of Nipissing. Even though I have never watched a Chuck Norris movie or TV show in my life, I have heard enough Chuck Norris jokes for me to assume he must be pretty awesome. Likewise Kevin is pretty awesome, and because I just love [really awful] Chuck Norris jokes, I propose some [really corny] Kevin Salzman jokes:

• You know those controlled blasting signs they've posted all around campus? Yeah, they're not really related to the construction going on, they're just to warn us when Kevin laughs.


• The Wall used to have three other walls too, but Kevin didn't need the rest of them to raise the roof every Friday.


• When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks someone, he calls Kevin first for permission.


• When Kevin came to Nipissing, they finally decided to put North Bay on the map. And when Kevin leaves Nipissing, he'll take the whole city with him. Or they'll rename the North Bay to Kevin's Bay.

Ok, I know ... bad jokes. I'm sorry. But I need to add one last one:

• Michael Scott personally called Kevin and asked if he could use "That's what she said!" on the Office.

Okay, if you didn't get that last one, do me a favour: go up to Kevin, and say something innocent like "This sub is amazing! I would eat one every day if I could."

And even if it is totally uncalled for, if he doesn't say "That's what she said!" then you're talking to the wrong person.

#4. Free food

I know what you're thinking ... all students (Nipissing, Canadore, alumni, drop outs, prospective students) love free food! I know. Of course everyone likes free food! It combines our two favourite things: being cheap and getting fed.

But Nip students take it to a whole new level. Seriously.

Take note future event organizers: no free food, no attendents. Wanna start a club? Better have free food at your meetings! Better yet, make your club about food! Running a residence event? Forget it, no one's coming out to play blindfolded indoor dodgeballhopscotchrockpaperscissors (yes, you worked so hard to think of a creative event that no one's ever done)--they're coming for the free cookies after! Running a fundraiser? Nothing says "We're desperate for money" like a bake sale (although not free, cheap)!

After four years, you would think I would be tired of free food. Especially the pizza. It's always the pizza:

• "Biology Society event--study your cellular biology by creating edible pizza cells!"


• "Come out to our healthy active living day--free HEALTHY pizza after!"


• "Nipissing Open House--get a FREE PIZZA FOR A YEAR scholarship if you come to our school!" <--I should suggest this to the president.

I'm practically broke this month, so I carefully build my schedule around the availability of free food. Take a look at my current week:

Sunday--Host student luncheon at church, accidentally make too much rice, save leftovers all week (all while getting reimbursed by church).
Monday--Peruse Club Days in an attempt to look interested in joining clubs, whilst searching for free cupcakes/cookies/any other food! (I would like to point out that this failed me ... but I still hold out hope for the rest of the week.)
Tuesday--Hey! This week worked out well! Went to Kevin Salzman's speech and got free pizza, donuts, and coffee!
Wednesday--Search club days again, note that Pride Club is holding a bake sale today and I have exactly one quarter in my pocket (that's right ... I'm that broke).
Thursday--Hang out with friends, conveniently still have no cash and thus avoid paying for snacks (though I will have to get them next time ...). Also, research into upcoming events/guest speakers where free food will be offered.
Friday--Running out of ideas, I consider the food bank. Then I remember the leftover rice!

Saturday--Desperate for food, I consider going to residence events where there is always ALWAYS always an abundance of food. Decide against, and opt to fork out the money I saved this week to buy real groceries.

Well, there you have it folks. Kelly's guide to eating cheap at Nipissing. You know you like it ...

Smell ya later!

#3. Blaming Eddies

DISCLAIMER: I love Eddies. True story. I've had many friends that were Eddies, or will be Eddies, or are Eddies. They're great ... I'm not just saying that because I'm going to become one. So anything presented in the following blog is my attempt at "factually" presenting what everyone thinks ... unbiased ... mostly.

If you are reading this, it is 99% likely that you will be, are, or were an Eddie. "Not me!" you say ... but you are simply trying to avoid the inevitable: EDDIES RULE THE SCHOOL.

Which is why Nip students love to blame everything on Eddies. Take the following conversations as examples:

Chris: "Dude, I couldn't find anywhere to park today. I had to park in the far corner of Lot 10!"
Amanda: "Stupid Eddies ... always driving to school."

Katie: "And then ... I was late for class because I had to walk behind this big group of Eddies ..."
Jane: "... me too! They're like a herd!"

Carrie: "So it's the third day in a row that we haven't been able to find a caf table! What the heck?"
Jordan: "Eddies. They're everywhere. Maybe we should start a new trend of eating on the crooked stairs ... it's the only place left!"

Yep. We've all blamed the Eddies at least once for the problems in our life.

One day, I was alone in the Treehouse Lounge and I fell asleep while reading on one of the couches. When I woke up, twenty Eddies having a meeting all around my couch. Literally ... they were holding their meeting OVER me. That was the weirdest wake up ever.

And let's not get started on the Macs. Here's some riddles:
Q: What do you call an Eddie with a Toshiba laptop?
A: A phony.
Q: Why can't you ever be in an exclusive relationship with an Eddie?
A: You'll always have to share them with Mac.

Eddies are responsible for slow Internet, being late for class, long line ups at Timmy's, crowded buses, the cold weather, your annoying little sister, the war in Iraq (what? I thought that was about oil and terrorism? Nope.), and pretty much every problem that the modern world has faced.

But they are also responsible for most of the money, facilities, and equipment our school has to offer. They will also go on to teach the next generation of students, maybe even your future children.

So go ahead: hug an Eddie today.

#2. The Roudabout

It might seem like old news now, but let's face it. We all had a little crush on the roundabout when it first came out. It was a love-hate relationship ... "it's complicated", if you will. Like a blackhole, it drew us all in ... perplexed us ... made us question our previous views on life, love, and the rules of the road ... it was that great "North Bay mystery" that no one quite knew how to explain.

It stupefied drivers, and confused the innocent pedestrian ... it looks slightly dangerous, and maybe kind of smart? We all asked: how the heck do you drive around it? How do you signal in and out? And, I have yet to find the best way to cross the road: do I risk running through the roundabout to make a quick diagonal crossing, or do I take the long way around?

And then, there's the convenient entertainment value of the roundabout. I think it became standard procedure for every "drunk bus" or D.D. to circle the roundabout at least three times post-bar. Because living in North Bay, we need to entertain ourselves somehow ... let's drive around and around in a circle! Even now, I question how this became a form of entertainment. Like, "WHOOA!!!! You're driving in a circle! Now let's go watch the streetlights change colour, and learn to count to ten!"

Still, I can't deny the little spark of joy I get every time I go around it. I mean, not everyone gets to enjoy a roundabout each morning on their way to school. And nothing beats being on the bus when it takes it to wide and rubs against the curb ... or the time one city bus dragged a pylon all the way through the roundabout from the highway. Yep ... those were good morning commutes.

#1. Facial Hair

Facial hair is to Nipissing as preppy clothes is to Western. It's our uniform, it's our mascot, it's practically a religious cult in the winter.

Wearing a beard during playoffs, or 'stache during Movember, or a full out neck beard (because it's cheaper than a scarf!) is a symbol of pride and solidarity. It loudly says,

"Hey, I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader ... but I look like one!
I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dogsled,
but I do ACTUALLY know Jimmy, Sally and Suzy from Nipissing!

I live in the North!
I regularly brave 10-15 minutes of -30 degree weather while I wait for the bus!
Maybe you don't know where my school is,
but it's not in Thunder Bay, it's not in Sudbury,
and it's definitely the best teacher's college in Canada!

My name is Joe, and I AM A NIPISSING STUDENT!"

Yes, all that is proclaimed by the facial hair. Girls love to hate it, but in the end, we'd have it no other way. Or maybe we just have no other choice.

In the end, Nipissing, it's safe to say we wear our hair with pride. Whether it's 8:30 in the morning, or 2:00 am on a Friday night ...

Facial hair is "hair"to stay!