#6. Burger World

Burger World is proof that God has mercy on struggling students ... He gave us breakfast, He gave us burgers, and He gave them both at affordable prices!

I confess that it took me three years to discover the delight known as "Burger World" ... it wasn't until I moved off campus and only a 5 minute walk from the restaurant that I finally ventured into it. That was the day that my life changed.

Crowded with hungover students, inconspicuously wearing sunglasses and pyjama pants, you feel as though you are taking part in a weekly pilgrimage that has been going on forever ... a journey to Nipissing University nirvana.

First, you must conquer the line to be seated: a line that seems to strech on forever, and breakfast seems to be mile after gruelling mile away. But really, in just a few short minutes you are making your way to your booth. To get there, you must bob and weave through a maze of tables and chairs with just enough room in between them for one person at a time (and between you and the waitress carrying five people's meals, you WILL lose). IF you reach your table unscathed, you have almost reached your destination. All that's really left is to order (relatively easy) and wait (perhaps the most difficult part). But take heart ... absence makes the stomach grow fonder.

Of course, it's not just about the breakfast, it's also about the fellowship. Conversation at Burger World tends to be focussed around the following topics:

1. What the Flamingo happened last night?

OR, if you happen to be one of the admirable few who are completely sober:
2. So ... isn't it great to be alive today? (If you say this loud enough, you are likely to invoke several loud groans from nearby booths, which in itself is one of the little joys of being alive!)

And if any of you are frequent visitors to the 'World, you also know of this little Burger World secret: try dropping a tip in the "Beer fund" jar at the cash. See what happens. It's just another reason to love Burgerworld!

See ya there in your Sunday casual!

#5. Kevin Salzman

<--- This guy is great. 'Nough said. And unless you've been living under a rock your whole university career, you've probably seen, heard, or personally know Kevin. In fact, you could say Kevin is like the Chuck Norris of Nipissing. Even though I have never watched a Chuck Norris movie or TV show in my life, I have heard enough Chuck Norris jokes for me to assume he must be pretty awesome. Likewise Kevin is pretty awesome, and because I just love [really awful] Chuck Norris jokes, I propose some [really corny] Kevin Salzman jokes:

• You know those controlled blasting signs they've posted all around campus? Yeah, they're not really related to the construction going on, they're just to warn us when Kevin laughs.


• The Wall used to have three other walls too, but Kevin didn't need the rest of them to raise the roof every Friday.


• When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks someone, he calls Kevin first for permission.


• When Kevin came to Nipissing, they finally decided to put North Bay on the map. And when Kevin leaves Nipissing, he'll take the whole city with him. Or they'll rename the North Bay to Kevin's Bay.

Ok, I know ... bad jokes. I'm sorry. But I need to add one last one:

• Michael Scott personally called Kevin and asked if he could use "That's what she said!" on the Office.

Okay, if you didn't get that last one, do me a favour: go up to Kevin, and say something innocent like "This sub is amazing! I would eat one every day if I could."

And even if it is totally uncalled for, if he doesn't say "That's what she said!" then you're talking to the wrong person.

#4. Free food

I know what you're thinking ... all students (Nipissing, Canadore, alumni, drop outs, prospective students) love free food! I know. Of course everyone likes free food! It combines our two favourite things: being cheap and getting fed.

But Nip students take it to a whole new level. Seriously.

Take note future event organizers: no free food, no attendents. Wanna start a club? Better have free food at your meetings! Better yet, make your club about food! Running a residence event? Forget it, no one's coming out to play blindfolded indoor dodgeballhopscotchrockpaperscissors (yes, you worked so hard to think of a creative event that no one's ever done)--they're coming for the free cookies after! Running a fundraiser? Nothing says "We're desperate for money" like a bake sale (although not free, cheap)!

After four years, you would think I would be tired of free food. Especially the pizza. It's always the pizza:

• "Biology Society event--study your cellular biology by creating edible pizza cells!"


• "Come out to our healthy active living day--free HEALTHY pizza after!"


• "Nipissing Open House--get a FREE PIZZA FOR A YEAR scholarship if you come to our school!" <--I should suggest this to the president.

I'm practically broke this month, so I carefully build my schedule around the availability of free food. Take a look at my current week:

Sunday--Host student luncheon at church, accidentally make too much rice, save leftovers all week (all while getting reimbursed by church).
Monday--Peruse Club Days in an attempt to look interested in joining clubs, whilst searching for free cupcakes/cookies/any other food! (I would like to point out that this failed me ... but I still hold out hope for the rest of the week.)
Tuesday--Hey! This week worked out well! Went to Kevin Salzman's speech and got free pizza, donuts, and coffee!
Wednesday--Search club days again, note that Pride Club is holding a bake sale today and I have exactly one quarter in my pocket (that's right ... I'm that broke).
Thursday--Hang out with friends, conveniently still have no cash and thus avoid paying for snacks (though I will have to get them next time ...). Also, research into upcoming events/guest speakers where free food will be offered.
Friday--Running out of ideas, I consider the food bank. Then I remember the leftover rice!

Saturday--Desperate for food, I consider going to residence events where there is always ALWAYS always an abundance of food. Decide against, and opt to fork out the money I saved this week to buy real groceries.

Well, there you have it folks. Kelly's guide to eating cheap at Nipissing. You know you like it ...

Smell ya later!

#3. Blaming Eddies

DISCLAIMER: I love Eddies. True story. I've had many friends that were Eddies, or will be Eddies, or are Eddies. They're great ... I'm not just saying that because I'm going to become one. So anything presented in the following blog is my attempt at "factually" presenting what everyone thinks ... unbiased ... mostly.

If you are reading this, it is 99% likely that you will be, are, or were an Eddie. "Not me!" you say ... but you are simply trying to avoid the inevitable: EDDIES RULE THE SCHOOL.

Which is why Nip students love to blame everything on Eddies. Take the following conversations as examples:

Chris: "Dude, I couldn't find anywhere to park today. I had to park in the far corner of Lot 10!"
Amanda: "Stupid Eddies ... always driving to school."

Katie: "And then ... I was late for class because I had to walk behind this big group of Eddies ..."
Jane: "... me too! They're like a herd!"

Carrie: "So it's the third day in a row that we haven't been able to find a caf table! What the heck?"
Jordan: "Eddies. They're everywhere. Maybe we should start a new trend of eating on the crooked stairs ... it's the only place left!"

Yep. We've all blamed the Eddies at least once for the problems in our life.

One day, I was alone in the Treehouse Lounge and I fell asleep while reading on one of the couches. When I woke up, twenty Eddies having a meeting all around my couch. Literally ... they were holding their meeting OVER me. That was the weirdest wake up ever.

And let's not get started on the Macs. Here's some riddles:
Q: What do you call an Eddie with a Toshiba laptop?
A: A phony.
Q: Why can't you ever be in an exclusive relationship with an Eddie?
A: You'll always have to share them with Mac.

Eddies are responsible for slow Internet, being late for class, long line ups at Timmy's, crowded buses, the cold weather, your annoying little sister, the war in Iraq (what? I thought that was about oil and terrorism? Nope.), and pretty much every problem that the modern world has faced.

But they are also responsible for most of the money, facilities, and equipment our school has to offer. They will also go on to teach the next generation of students, maybe even your future children.

So go ahead: hug an Eddie today.

#2. The Roudabout

It might seem like old news now, but let's face it. We all had a little crush on the roundabout when it first came out. It was a love-hate relationship ... "it's complicated", if you will. Like a blackhole, it drew us all in ... perplexed us ... made us question our previous views on life, love, and the rules of the road ... it was that great "North Bay mystery" that no one quite knew how to explain.

It stupefied drivers, and confused the innocent pedestrian ... it looks slightly dangerous, and maybe kind of smart? We all asked: how the heck do you drive around it? How do you signal in and out? And, I have yet to find the best way to cross the road: do I risk running through the roundabout to make a quick diagonal crossing, or do I take the long way around?

And then, there's the convenient entertainment value of the roundabout. I think it became standard procedure for every "drunk bus" or D.D. to circle the roundabout at least three times post-bar. Because living in North Bay, we need to entertain ourselves somehow ... let's drive around and around in a circle! Even now, I question how this became a form of entertainment. Like, "WHOOA!!!! You're driving in a circle! Now let's go watch the streetlights change colour, and learn to count to ten!"

Still, I can't deny the little spark of joy I get every time I go around it. I mean, not everyone gets to enjoy a roundabout each morning on their way to school. And nothing beats being on the bus when it takes it to wide and rubs against the curb ... or the time one city bus dragged a pylon all the way through the roundabout from the highway. Yep ... those were good morning commutes.

#1. Facial Hair

Facial hair is to Nipissing as preppy clothes is to Western. It's our uniform, it's our mascot, it's practically a religious cult in the winter.

Wearing a beard during playoffs, or 'stache during Movember, or a full out neck beard (because it's cheaper than a scarf!) is a symbol of pride and solidarity. It loudly says,

"Hey, I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader ... but I look like one!
I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dogsled,
but I do ACTUALLY know Jimmy, Sally and Suzy from Nipissing!

I live in the North!
I regularly brave 10-15 minutes of -30 degree weather while I wait for the bus!
Maybe you don't know where my school is,
but it's not in Thunder Bay, it's not in Sudbury,
and it's definitely the best teacher's college in Canada!

My name is Joe, and I AM A NIPISSING STUDENT!"

Yes, all that is proclaimed by the facial hair. Girls love to hate it, but in the end, we'd have it no other way. Or maybe we just have no other choice.

In the end, Nipissing, it's safe to say we wear our hair with pride. Whether it's 8:30 in the morning, or 2:00 am on a Friday night ...

Facial hair is "hair"to stay!