#5. Kevin Salzman

<--- This guy is great. 'Nough said. And unless you've been living under a rock your whole university career, you've probably seen, heard, or personally know Kevin. In fact, you could say Kevin is like the Chuck Norris of Nipissing. Even though I have never watched a Chuck Norris movie or TV show in my life, I have heard enough Chuck Norris jokes for me to assume he must be pretty awesome. Likewise Kevin is pretty awesome, and because I just love [really awful] Chuck Norris jokes, I propose some [really corny] Kevin Salzman jokes:

• You know those controlled blasting signs they've posted all around campus? Yeah, they're not really related to the construction going on, they're just to warn us when Kevin laughs.


• The Wall used to have three other walls too, but Kevin didn't need the rest of them to raise the roof every Friday.


• When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks someone, he calls Kevin first for permission.


• When Kevin came to Nipissing, they finally decided to put North Bay on the map. And when Kevin leaves Nipissing, he'll take the whole city with him. Or they'll rename the North Bay to Kevin's Bay.

Ok, I know ... bad jokes. I'm sorry. But I need to add one last one:

• Michael Scott personally called Kevin and asked if he could use "That's what she said!" on the Office.

Okay, if you didn't get that last one, do me a favour: go up to Kevin, and say something innocent like "This sub is amazing! I would eat one every day if I could."

And even if it is totally uncalled for, if he doesn't say "That's what she said!" then you're talking to the wrong person.